My Statement

I don't know where to begin. I’ve done my best to remain quiet, hoping that things would have been rectified by now. At this point, I feel it is necessary to speak out when the right thing is not done, or even honestly addressed.   

 

After such a successful event in December, this information will come as a shock, even to most of my friends, as I have kept this close while trying to navigate and remain professional. Trust me, I am still processing all the layers and have been taking time to try healing from the devastation brought to me both emotionally and financially. 

 

When I first came on as cohost for A Very Merry Bookmas, I initially focused on 2026, while Lila kept the lead on planning for 2025. Once I finished everything that could be prepped/done for 2026, I knew, from the information she shared, that things were happening that made life a little overwhelming for her at the time. I offered to help where I could. She then asked if I would come on as cohost for 2025. I had made it clear I was happy to just help as a friend where I could and didn’t need the cohost title or accolades, she insisted. We had become friends by this point over the previous year or so. She seemed organized, said all the right things, communicated well, and our morals, values, and event visions seem aligned. As I both trusted and believed in her, I accepted. 

 

Fast forward to Fall 2025. Ghosting and scarce conversations as the event drew closer made me anxious. Our routine became, she had some personal life issues that kept her busy, and when I finally got in touch, Lila reassured me that everything I’d inquire about was in order, paid for, and taken care of. Lila told me multiple times that we had more than enough event funds to cover it all. 

 

In September, after pushing, we finally got room blocks. Somewhere around this time, I was informed that her friends, who were to be our nail tech and tattoo artist, had to both back out. I can’t speak to why those fell through, or whether there were signed contracts with them. 

 

In October, I paid out of pocket to rent a storage unit for all the decorations, event items, author items, etc., since she was moving from New Hampshire to Florida at the beginning of November. By the beginning of December, I had received no boxes or packages from her. I received only three boxes from another attending author and swag from our donors. By this point, we were only roughly two weeks out from the event. 

 

As much as I wanted to believe my friend, I started to notice red flags and had a bad feeling in my gut in the last few months leading up to AVMB. I gave every chance of an out. “Are you sure?” “Do I need to get some orders in?” “You’re not in this by yourself. We have time to get things done if need be.” I was honest: she had me anxious and not feeling secure in what she was saying; I needed honest, open communication in a partnership, but I was here for her.  She apologized, explained she still had a lot of personal stuff going on, but we are good to go. She had just had things delivered to her. (I will only say “personal things” as her personal business is not mine to share.)

 

A week out from the event, I was panicking, but still being reassured. The attendee bags and badges are running late, but should arrive soon. She had her cricket all set up and ready to do the 450 bags once they arrived. I was confused about why they weren’t there, since we had discussed ordering them months ago. I was trying to be helpful without stepping on toes. 2025 was her baby, and I respected that. I start rattling off every item I can think of again. The answer is that she placed the orders; other items have been delayed or scrapped from the plan. There are things she wants to make herself now, and others that we can shop for when we get there. I made it clear that we had a storage unit and that I could rent a truck if needed; there was no reason to wait. Other than picking up our print order from Staples and securing our food/snacks/water order, we have no excuse not to be prepared. I was honest again about my feelings and concerns. According to her, everything was fine. She validated my feelings, apologized for being quiet, said personal matters were stressing her, but that she’d be better. Nothing changed.  

 

I started panic buying basic supplies the week before I left, because even if all the significant commitments were taken care of by Lila, if the little details fell through, I had her back. We got this. However, as time passed, I wasn't convinced she would show up to the event, given personal issues in the background and the still increasingly infrequent communication. I had been reaching out for almost a week with no response. On Sunday (December 7), before the event, a volunteer inquired about our final training. Lila said she had fallen, was in the hospital for a few days, and had to postpone the training to Monday. 

 

On the last call we had that Monday (December 8), I questioned what all she was bringing, since she was flying and I had no boxes/deliveries from her, but also how she was going to fly with all the things she said she had in her possession. She answered that she would vacuum seal the bags and everything she could, but not to worry, all of it would fit into one suitcase. I had a hard time wrapping my brain around it, but didn’t feel I was in a position to push. She also said she had placed the Staples order that day to be ready for pickup on Friday. As it was a last-minute decision, Staples was the last resort. I asked if she was sure the store could do the printing we needed, and she said yes, that she had called. I let her know everything I had ordered and purchased, and we agreed we would figure out the money once we got up there. I knew in my gut then that there would be minimal physical items/ commitments for this event, so I started panic-buying and prepping everything else I could in a few days before I left. On December 11th, my crew and I loaded my car and roof with essentials to head up to Manchester, NH.

 

Backing up a moment, a few weeks before the event, I started opening up to my inner support system about my concerns. Regina and Abigail were already traveling with me to come as my table assistant/volunteer. I called Shannon at the last minute and asked her to step in as our volunteer lead, and she didn't hesitate. These three wonderful humans and I would have an intense 72 hours ahead of us. 

 

With no confirmation that Lila had even gotten on the plane (I had not heard from her since Monday; it was now Thursday), we arrived in NH after an 11-hour drive and started hitting up stores to pick up a few things. I had placed an order with Staples for some printables myself, so we stopped by there first. I asked for mine, received it, and then inquired whether our event order was ready or if we would need to come back the next day. 

 

“Her legal name” - “No order”. 

“Lila Grey” -  “I don’t see it, ma’am.” 

“A Very Merry Bookmas?” He just shook his head. 

 

I pressed him again to track this large order for our event, including banners, a step-and-repeat, pamphlets, inserts, signage, etc. He informed us that his location did not do big banners/ retractable banners, etc. Insert emotional breakdown #1 in the aisles of Staples. The reality began to sink in that there was likely never a print order. One of the girls reached out to Lila. When a response came through, it was that she had the confirmation numbers and that there must be an issue on Staples’s end. She did not send us the confirmation numbers. So we huddled and decided to get a head start on scouting stores for backup plans, so if/once Lila landed that night, we could jump right into stuffing swag bags, registration folders, etc. If I panicked for nothing, I had receipts to return things if she pulled through. At some point, we did hear from her that she was delayed in Chicago and would be a little later than expected. 

 

Lila showed up late that evening, with a small suitcase and a small bag. She tells us her other suitcase was lost in Chicago, but Southwest said more bags are coming in and will let her know when they arrive. She needed to call them back. 

 

A list of things that (at this moment) were in the lost suitcase. Yes, singular.

450 custom attendee bags

450 badges

450 lanyards

Event decorations

Her personal table and setup items

Most of her book inventory

Raffle items 

More clothes

Etc. 

 

Aside from the missing suitcase, no conversation really took place. No, “Here is what we should do.” “What needs to be done?” “Where can I help?” “Can you do this?” We just encouraged her to reach out to the airlines and Staples in the morning. She declined to join us for dinner; understandable, she was tired. Because they arrived later than planned, Lila’s plan to have her daughter picked up is now the next day. So I relinquished the Airbnb apartment to them and stayed at the hotel with the girls instead. There was only a queen bed, and while I was comfortable sharing a bed with Lila, this being the first time I met her daughter, I thought it best to let them have it alone that night. I also needed a little space to gather my thoughts and feelings about the day. 

 

The girls and I recognized on the car ride back to the hotel that we needed to start getting things in order. We stayed up late researching stores and creating/editing new graphics to get in for a 24-hour rush order. Sleep did not exist for us the next two nights. When we got her on the phone the next day (December 12), it was almost noon. She had no idea what happened to the order she placed, and I told her we were placing another order within the next few minutes for same-day printing. When I inquired about the event card to put in the information, there was hesitation. There was no time to argue or address it, so I used my card again. 

Shannon, Regina, Abigail, and I spent all afternoon running around to find bags for attendees, author gifts, decorations, get a printer, find a backup for badges/lanyards, and anything else you could think of that goes into an in-person event. No real direction, check-ins, concern whatsoever from Lila, it seemed. Shannon was pulling every OG Belles event trick she had up her sleeve after my brain started to melt. Late afternoon, we picked Lila up, hit Costco to stock up on food/snacks for the event (I covered it all), and then headed to dinner.  

 

When asked again about the event card/funds to cover dinner and repay the thousands I had spent from my personal funds and savings, Lila showed us an Eventbrite screenshot. She said that 48 hours after the event, Eventbrite would release those funds to her, and then she would pay me back. We would be back on track for 2026. I covered the majority of the dinner bill, and she paid $44 plus tip. On the way back to the Airbnb, she tells us she had signed a contract with the venue for 2026 the previous week. That, even though it had a payment plan in place, another event was interested in the exact dates, leaving her feeling cornered and pressured by the venue. She panicked and felt forced to put down a $10,000 deposit, using most of the remaining event funds. I was literally speechless with shock, upset that I was just finding out about this, and that it was a big decision we should have made together. We hadn’t even locked down where we wanted to host Friday evening’s events yet. We both were looking elsewhere than the signing venue. 

 

My assistant Paige and her husband met us at the Airbnb to help me, the girls, and Lila with our swag bags, author folders, and volunteer bags as we navigated a space where no productive conversation could happen. We would try hard to talk about the event and plans, the morning task list, and stay positive, but it always veered off; the conversation was dominated by Lila’s personal life. Everyone left frustrated. 

 

That night, I stayed at the Airbnb with Lila. Another late night until the early hours with Shannon on the phone, getting graphics/other printables approved and ready for her to print in the hotel room. Lila spent most of her time scrolling through Pinterest and kept talking about 2026 and 2027 until she fell asleep. I continued with Shannon until we called it a night. 

 

The event morning comes (December 13). 

No tablecloths - she swore she made an order, but we never saw a confirmation email. 

No photographer - she told us that when she reached out, they had gotten a flat tire and would try their best to make it. 

Missing tables - She blames the venue, venue said she knew well in advance what they had available.

Inquired about the ceramic mugs for the VIP bags via an attendee who inquired. Lila said that the 67 ceramic mugs were also in the lost suitcase in Chicago. 

No projector, PA system, or other perks were ‘in the contract’ - turns out, we didn’t reserve them.

 

At this point, I have dug into my personal accounts/savings and dished out thousands of dollars in the last 48 hours alone, and I hear rumblings about a final venue bill. One of the lovely event workers offered to reach out to the tablecloth vendor if Lila sent her the confirmation email. Lila told her she would just deal with it later and to add the charge to our final bill. 

 

The way she said it set off alarm bells. I would think she’d ask for an invoice for tablecloths, as Lila had repeatedly told me she had paid the venue off for this year. I run outside and try not to panic again. Abigail calms me down, and the crew collectively decides we are in survival mode. Doors open soon. Keep it from affecting the volunteers, authors, attendees, etc., and put on the best event we can. And that is what we did. WE pulled it all together. Later, Lila tells us the venue will add the tablecloths to our 2026 invoice. 

 

We get a hug, with thanks for helping after the event. Lila declined to come to dinner to debrief afterward. I did not know how much was raised through Venmo or PayPal for the charity raffle at the time, but the girls made sure to give me the cash from the raffle ticket purchases. So I knew, at the very least, we had that $500. 

 

Aside from a text I received Sunday evening (December 14), I did not hear from Lila again until Shannon included me on a joint call Friday (December 19). I’ll be honest. I could have reached out on Wednesday (December 17), as I had intended, but I also felt she knew she owed me money and that she should have contacted me by then if Eventbrite had released the funds to her. 

 

Before the Friday call, after reflecting, I did, however, call the venue and speak with the coordinator/owner. I thanked her for a fantastic job and incredible staff, then asked for confirmation of our $10,000 deposit for next year so I could update the 2026 spreadsheets and get organized for our Friday debrief. She informed me that they were not tracking a 2026 deposit made, nor had we signed a contract. AVMB just had a soft date held on the calendar. I asked her to recheck this several times before I could believe it. In addition, Lila had not paid in full for 2025; We still had (have idk) an almost $5,200 outstanding balance. There were payment plans in place originally; she never paid. They had given grace, given all that Lila had going on personally, trusting it would be taken care of. The venue had not yet received the check, which Lila said had been sent before the event, and she had not charged us for the tablecloths they helped provide. I asked her to double-check that I wasn't on this contract. I was not, and she agreed that even though she knew I was a cohost, she would not hold me responsible for the final bill. Processing this and not wanting to react out of emotion also kept me from reaching out on the 17th. I did not trust myself to remain professional. The grace and kindness I had been trying to continue tapped out. Add to that that Christmas was the next week, and I had depleted funds to salvage the event.  

 

On Friday (December 19), I participated in a joint call with Shannon and Lila. Lila ran us through a debrief of feedback forms. As she ran through the weekend's events, she doubled down on the fact that her bag was missing, she still hadn't received it, and she was waiting for a refund from Southwest. That she did have print orders placed, a photographer lined up, tablecloth order confirmations, etc, she felt she had tried her best. All of these things were out of her control; nothing was her fault. We encouraged her to reach out to all the parties about refunds, as she had not yet done so. I asked her again to clarify that, two weeks prior, she had put down a $10,000 deposit and signed a contract for 2026, and that the venue would add fees for 2026 tablecloths to cover 2025. I also asked whether she had taken care of the 2025 bills. She stuck to her story. I revealed then that I had spoken with the venue and what was said. She was upset, feeling I should have come to her with my questions. I will even validate that feeling. However, I had no malicious intent, and I no longer thought I would get, or had been receiving, truthful answers. She doubled down, saying she indeed signed the contract and paid the venue two weeks ago, that she made all the scheduled payments for 2025, and that the venue had added the tablecloths to the 2026 invoice. The venue was mistaken. They were the problem, not her. I made it clear I expected to be paid back, and met with, “Well, I spent $5,$6,$7,000 of my own money on this event, and I did it not expecting to get paid back.”  

 

We then inquired about the charity funds; Lila informed us that the proceeds from electronic raffle ticket sales were in her personal payment platforms. She told us she received $113 to her PayPal account and $875 to her Venmo account, and agreed she needed to donate or transfer them to a new account I have access to, so I could make one large donation, including the cash, and post the receipts. As charity work is a passion of mine and something I am very connected to, I have set a high standard for myself and others regarding transparency of funds. 

 

We asked about the Eventbrite funds from ticket sales, and Lila said that now they would be released later that evening or the following Monday. Shannon asked me if I was willing to take on a more lead role in 2026, should Lila have to step back for personal reasons that she shared. I replied honestly that I was uncomfortable and unsure because of an inconsistency in the answers, and that I would appreciate some receipts for good faith. Lila said it would be easy to provide me with receipts for what I had asked to see. We ended the call with an agreement to put all 2026 planning on pause until after the new year, but that she would provide the 2026 signed venue contract, 2026 deposit receipt, 2025 venue receipt, and the charity funds by Monday (December 22). In the meantime, my task was to compile my receipts for reimbursement.

 

Monday came. No contact. I called and texted, letting her know what I intended to do. I went ahead and donated the cash I had and a little extra, for a total of $550, and posted the receipts, tagging Lila and letting the group know she would post her receipts once she donates the $988 from electronic raffle ticket purchases. 

 

The next day (Decemebr 23), I attempted to contact her again, letting her know I had all my receipts in a spreadsheet and asking whether she had gathered the charity funds + receipts we agreed to provide. Again, no response. At this point, I felt beyond disrespected and used. I hit my limit and decided to officially back out of AVMB as a cohost and as a signing author going forward. I texted and emailed her this. I posted a professional post in the group and emailed it to the 2026 authors and vendors. 

 

A few minutes later, she posted a $113 receipt to the charity, asking for another 3-5 days to move funds from her PayPal account (The charity has a PayPal payment option). She then deleted my backing-out post, paused the group's comments/posts, made it private, and removed me. I am not currently aware of any charity updates. If I need to run a special giveaway raffle for books and goodies, or come up with something to replace those charity funds, I will. 

 

I then received an email letting me know she would no longer grant any access. She shared some strong (and misguided) feelings, told me to email her my receipts of what I “think” should be reimbursed, and that she will go through them when she sees fit. Ending it by instructing me not contact her again. I respected her wishes, gave time and space for Christmas, and responded on December 30th with my spreadsheet of reimbursement requests. For my own mental health, I blocked her on all my socials. 

 

This last week, something was brought to attention by a few 2026 authors (I am HORRIBLE at checking emails, ask my PA), I came across an unopened email from Lila from September 2025 to the 2026 authors. It contains an alleged 2026 signed contract with the venue, dated and signed July 30, 2025. If this contract exists, then why did another contract and deposit have to be paid in December? We had discussed providing 2025 authors with the signed venue contact to show good faith as a first-year event after several other events’ venue disasters. We had never discussed a signed contract other than 2025 before December. I have questions, but I will respect her wish of no contact. 

 

Deposits and second payments have already been acquired from all our 2026 authors/vendors, and I can’t account for those or the 2025 funds. I never had any access, even after being told multiple times I would. As for the event funds trail, the 2025 venue deposit and at least the coffee vendor deposit for 2025 were paid. Possibly the candy cane pens she brought for the bags. That’s literally all that I can say with 100% fact and certainty that I know of. I have never seen a receipt, a picture, or a video of any physical items or confirmation numbers for orders or vendors, except for a candy cane pen she held up during the call the week before the event, and one picture of a delayed order for some penguin squishies.  

 

She has canceled 2026. My understanding is that she recently emailed and posted, but with no real explanation or answers to inquiries. She told everyone she would repay their table fees when she could, without a time frame. It's been 30 days since I emailed her my receipts to request reimbursement, and I haven't received any form or response, apology, or accountability, other than her automated holiday response, the day I emailed her. 

 

I have receipts and/or witnesses for most of what I have discussed in this post. I am only stating facts and providing some clarity, as my reputation has been put on the line here. Having explored legal options, and my grace and patience running thin, I have no choice but to move forward with sending a letter of intent.  

 

I feel devastated, betrayed, angry, triggered, all the emotions right now. But this isn't about me, or not just about me. I want to apologize to all my 2026 connections who supported me without question and jumped on board to attend, and to our 2025 authors, vendors, and volunteers who had no idea what they were walking into or what the fallout would be. 

 

One of the saddest parts to me is that, if there had been honesty up to a certain point, I would have been disappointed. Still, I would have appreciated the difficulty of being open and vulnerable when one makes mistakes. I would have set up a payment plan and offered to help get things in order ahead of time so we could have avoided this experience. 

 

I don’t want any mean girl energy, anyone stooping to personal attacks, or anyone being mean to her/going after her disrespectfully. I’m not in the game of kicking people while they are down or making personal attacks, period. I do think there should be, and I hold out hope for, accountability, reimbursements across the board, and that the charity is taken care of. 

 

As long as this was, this is literally the basic highlight overview, to keep it as factual and straightforward as possible, with as little emotion as possible. I appreciate you taking the time to read. For the few in the know who have been supporting me through this time, I am forever grateful. 

 

With love and a heavy heart, 

Des